alice doesnt understand

I decided this morning to listen to Ugly Kid Joe’s “America’s Least Wanted.” The idea grew out of the music that is videos playlist, which is a collection of songs first introduced to me through video. Some of the songs I had been familiar with before seeing the artist’s music expressed visually. That has shifted my perception about a song’s “intended” meaning, but meaning is not just up to the writer.

The more artists show with their art, the more they give away of themselves through emotion. Walls break and weaken, allowing access to trauma and the personal pain of healing. When fans access that energy, the artists must hang on tighter to their own.

“Cat’s in the Cradle” grabbed me when I was 15, with a video that turned narrative lyrics into film. I watched an actor dad soldiering through his life experiences with a “hurry up and wait” mentality. Get there faster or enjoy the ride?

The cat’s only in the cradle for a moment in time.

So, I connected my Bluetooth headphones to Spotify and hit play on “America’s Least Wanted.” More likely than not, the original CD is in the house, but I don’t have a setup to use headphones, the speakers are behind me, and I would have to get up and look for a CD.

This isn’t the 1990s.

But, all these years later, my body instantly moved to the beat of the first two tracks using muscle memory. By “Come Tomorrow” my brain picked up the lyrics.

“Well, 15 years on down the line, I guess you’d say I’m doin’ fine, wandering down that same old road again … but alice doesn’t understand the place she’s comin’ to right now today”

Ugly Kid Joe

And then I noticed, “15 years” … checked the year “America’s Least Wanted” dropped — I was 15. Wow. Talk about timing. Think about my living environment back then in the 1900s.

At 15 years old, I had a decade and a half in to this life thing. A walking, talking, hormonal ball of insecurity, but I guess you’d say I was doing fine. Until I wasn’t. But, this album played as I got through that part of life and pressed my footprints into Destiny’s garden.

Come tomorrow, you could see the light … break it right down to the place that you were before.

Ugly Kid Joe

This morning, I’m 15 years passed the past. Fifteen years into the relationship that frames my entire reason for living. And maybe alice doesnt understand, but I hear the poppy pentatonic soloing, and I know I am the light. And I know my light is as much a light as a flame.

I guess you’d say I’m doin’ fine today. Circles and circles and circles, again.